Dreams

I have a key that I wear as a necklace. It says dreams on it. It seems to symbolize something. I'm not sure what. I have so many dreams.

First I have the dream of acting, or singing. I love being on stage. It gives me such thrill. Some people have told me I have a stage presence. I can feel it sometimes. It almost makes my finger tips tingle. I want to be on a stage, and look out at blackness, and know that there is a crowd there, watching me perform. The one problem is I can't sing, and I have never tested my acting.

Second is writing. I have so many stories swimming around in my head. All kinds you can imagine. Fantasy, historical fiction, modern day, pirates, princess's, adventure. Everything. I imagine that they are like wisps of smoke, maybe green or purple smoke, all twirling around in my head. They come to me at random times. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes when I am reading, sometimes when I see something, hear someone say something. I am not sure how it happens, but they develop. They become a famous story. But it never happens. I never get it down on paper before the next story takes over.

I am inspired so easily. I am listening to the Titanic music right now. It makes me happy, and sad all at the same time. How can music express itself so well? It just makes my heart feel happy. Then heavy. Then about to burst.

I am really tired right now from a long babysitting job, so you will have to forgive my drama. :D

Music effects how I write so much. The song I am listening to right now, Take Her to Sea, Mr. Murdoch, from the titanic says so much to me. Hope, happiness, a challenge. When they set sail in the titanic, a lot of people wanted to prove the world wrong. They thought that God couldn't even stop them. God did. With a iceberg.

Well, I have nothing more to say. Have a great week everyone!!

Amazing Grace and sleepless nights

I am SO exhausted. I can't get much sleep. It takes forever to fall asleep. I know 11:00 or 11:30 isn't late for all of you, but for me it is. Get in bed at 9:00-9:30ish, talk with MJ, read or journal until 10:00, and then lay down. Wait until 10:30 .. . . . still awake. Go to the bathroom, just to stand up, and not feel completely useless. Go back into bed. Lay there, frustrated with myself. Tomorrow will be awful. Stay up for a little while longer. Switch from side to side. Finally, lay on my back (thats my, I am so not getting any sleep tonight position) Then, as I stare at the dark ceiling and listen to MJ's breathing, I might fall asleep. Last night wasn't as bad, I only stayed up till 10:45ish. I don't know what is wrong with me. Its not like I am thinking about anything. I try not to think of anything at all. Just listen to my breathing, my own heart beat. But it doesn't work. And then when I get up at 7:30 in the morning, I am so tired, and can barely pull myself out of bed. By the time I get to friday, I am so tired, and I don't even want to stay up late.

So, I lay in bed late into the night, wishing I had a iTouch, or laptop so I could spend my wasted hours typing blog posts, or writing long pointless emails to people.

Life is so confusing. Growing up is so hard, and I am in the thick of it. I have friends my age, but I never really talk to them about my big problems. I don't even know how to put my problems to words. They are just there.

Amazing Grace just sounds comforting. I say it in my head when I am trying to sleep. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. But I spend those sleepless nights wondering if I will be able to finish the hymn in my own heart.

I am sorry . . .

This is long over due. I don't think anyone really reads my blog. Oh well, I can keep talking to myself forever, and maybe some good will come of it someday. Print these out, and I will have instant journaling!

I think as you get older Journaling becomes much more important. In fact I know that. Lately I have been journaling a lot. I write some stories in there, and I write feelings, and all those little things that are so apart of my life.

Well, for being so overdue i don't have much to write about .. . see you all later!